Forget Regret
by Seshat0120
Summary: What's your biggest regret?


**Forget Regret**

_by Seshat0120_

_Disclaimer: Quantum Leap and all related characters are owned by Belisarius Productions and Universal. No profit has been made off of the writing or distribution of this piece of fiction._

He was in a hospital room and, judging by the lab coat he was wearing and the stethoscope around his neck he must be a doctor. Based on the sheet shrouded body in the bed, Sam knew he wasn't here to help this patient. If he was, he was too late.

Curiosity got the better of Sam and he moved over to the bed and picked up the chart hanging from the foot of it. The name printed at the top leapt out at Sam and took his breath away - Beckett, John S.

"Dad," he croaked out in a whisper.

He walked to the head of the bed and put his hand out to pull down the sheet but hesitated, unsure if he could look at the beloved face of his father still in death. It was the fourth leap where he'd been granted contact with his father – each one had taken him closer to this point but none had ever given him the opportunity to save his father.

He heard the Imaging Chamber door open and close behind him but didn't turn to face Al. He kept staring down at his father's sheet covered face.

"Sam?" Al's voice carried the worry that had been gnawing at him since he'd found out where it was that Sam had leaped.

"I know where I am, Al," Sam said in a monotone, "and I don't care who I am or what I'm here to do. It doesn't matter." He finally looked up at Al and the monotone was replaced with anger – an anger that fairly glowed in his eyes. "I'm too late and there's not a damned thing I can do about it this time. I wasn't there for him the first time it happened and I'm too late again."

Al knew he had to tread carefully if he was going to get Sam to listen to him. He looked down at the information from Ziggy as it displayed on the handlink and realized just how tough it was going to be to get Sam to listen to him.

"I won't say I know what you're feeling, Sam, 'cause I know there's no way I ever could."

"You're damned right you can't."

"…but I really need you to listen to me right now 'cause there's something you've got to do and you don't have a lot of time to do it."

"I told you, Al, I don't care about this leap. I don't care about helping anyone else. Not when I can't help the people I care about the most."

"Sam, just please listen."

"I said 'no'."

"Sam!" The sharpness in Al's voice stunned Sam long enough for Al to start explaining.

"You're name's Dr. Tim Gibson. You already know where and when you are. Dr. Gibson was the attending physician when your father…when your father passed away."

"Let me guess," Sam's voice fairly dripped with sarcasm, "I'm here to make sure this quack doesn't get sued for malpractice or something, aren't I?"

"No. No, Sam, you're not. You're not here for Dr. Gibson or anyone around him."

"Then why, Al? Am I just here 'cause whoever's been leaping me around thought it would be a great joke to drop me down here right after my father died and I can't do anything. If that's the case," he yelled toward the ceiling, "I don't see anyone laughing."

"Sam…shhh. Would you calm down and lower your voice. We don't need anyone coming in here to see what the shouting's about. Geez."

The hard glare Sam gave him was all the response he got but at least Sam had stopped shouting and no one was coming in the room.

"Ziggy's got sort of a strange theory about this leap…about why you're here now. He says that this leap isn't for anyone here – that's it's for you."

"Me?" Sam couldn't have been more surprised if his father had sat up in the bed. "What does he mean, me? How can this leap be about me?"

"Sam, why did you leap?"

"What do you mean 'why did I leap?'" By now most of Sam's anger was being replaced with confusion and Al being cryptic wasn't helping things. "You know why I leaped. The committee was going to cut our funding. I had to prove to them Quantum Leap would work."

"No, Sam. I don't mean the reason why you got in the accelerator when you did. I mean why did you build Quantum Leap? Why did you want to be able to travel in time?"

"I don't understand what you're getting at, Al. You know I built Quantum Leap to prove my theory. What's that got to do with this? With my father?"

"Forget about funding and theories, Sam. Why did you want to travel in time? What's your biggest regret?"

Al's questions were starting to frustrate Sam. He didn't know what Al wanted him to say. What was the point to all of this and how could a leap be for him?

"Just spit it out, Al. What's the point to all this? Why are you all of a sudden tap-dancing around this 'strange theory' of Ziggy's?"

"Ok, Sam. Just answer one question and I'll tell you what Ziggy's theory is. What is the biggest regret in your life?"

"Lately, it's been getting into the accelerator but what does that have to do with why I'm here?"

"Saaam. I know you better than you know yourself sometimes and if you admit what your biggest regret is you'll know why you started leaping and why you're here."

"If you know me so well, Al, and you know what my supposed answer is – should be - then what's with all the questions. Let's just get on with this so I can get out of here."

"You need to say it yourself, Sam. You need to admit it to yourself."

"What?"

"What's you greatest regret, Sam?"

"I don't know."

"What's you're greatest regret, Sam?"

"I told you, I don't know. Now stop asking me."

"I can't, Sam, and you're never going to be able to get out of here until you answer me. Now, WHAT'S YOUR GREATEST REGRET?"

It finally all got to be too much for Sam. His father's lifeless body, the hospital room, Al's incessant question – and he broke down. With tears streaming down his face he whispered, "My father. My father's my greatest regret. I wasn't there when he needed me. I wasn't there when he died. I didn't even make it to his funeral. I just wanted to be able to say goodbye. I just wanted to be able to say goodbye."

"I know, Kid, and now's your time. That's Ziggy's theory about this leap. It's a chance for you to finally say goodbye to your Dad."

"I got here a little late, then, didn't I, Al? He's gone. I wasn't here again."

"No, Sam. You're wrong. Your father's not gone. Everyday you carry him with you. Talk to him now. He'll hear you and he'll know."

Al seemed so sure, so positive it gave Sam the strength he needed to pull the sheet back from his father's face. He'd been afraid that he'd look lifeless and empty but he saw that he was wrong. His father looked peaceful – as if he were sleeping. He looked so much older than Sam remembered, though. When had that happened?

Al stood silently behind Sam – a quiet sentinel there to offer Sam what support he could.

Sam ghosted his fingers softly across his father's face and looked down on him for a moment before he started to speak. "Dad," it was the only word he got out before the tears once again began to fall down his face. I'm so sorry I wasn't here when you needed me. I'm so sorry I wasn't here to say goodbye to you. I should have been here. I should have been here to tell you how much I appreciate everything that you did for me. I wouldn't be what I am today if you hadn't been there supporting me every step of the way – you and Mom. I don't think I ever told you that and I wish I had.

"When we were growing up, Dad, you always told us not to hold onto our regrets – that they'd start to rule our lives. I forgot that, Dad. I've spent so many years regretting not being there when you needed me that I never took the time to say goodbye to you – and look where it's landed me today. I guess it's time for me to finally say goodbye to you, Dad, and let go of the regret of not being here for you.

"I love you, Dad and I miss you. Al's right, though, I do carry you with me every day. Thank you for everything, Dad. I love you. Goodbye." Sam leaned over and gently kissed his father's forehead and then pulled the sheet back up. Somehow, he did feel better – like a weight had been lifted from him that he hadn't been aware that he'd been carrying all these years.

He turned to Al with a small smile on his face. "Thank you, Al."

"No problem, Sam. You just needed a push in the right direction."

"You said this leap was for me so that I could face my greatest regret. Do you think this time I'll leap all the way home?"

A silent shrug was the only response from Al before the leap took hold of Sam and he disappeared to where, he didn't know. Where ever it was, though, he'd carry the memory and love of his father but not the regret anymore.


End file.
